By Maria Dillane
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July 4, 2025
Over the past week, many of us here in Victoria have been deeply shaken by the news that an early childhood educator has been charged with assaulting children in their care. Like many of you, I’ve been feeling the shock of the news not as a legal or trauma expert, but as a parent, a wellbeing educator, and someone who believes deeply in safe, connected care for our children. I’ve been sharing on my stories information from experts and professionals who are more informed than I am on child protection and safety — that’s not my area of expertise, so I want to be guided by those who are trained in that space. But as a parent, and someone who supports others in parenting and wellbeing, what I can offer is some support for the emotional side of this. Because the conversations I’ve been having with parents this week are full of fear, guilt, anger, and grief — especially for the families directly impacted. I’m a mum with a child in daycare, and this has rocked me too. I feel it in my body — that tight chest, that lump in my throat. And I want to share a few gentle reminders that might help you in the midst of all of this. 1. Let Yourself Feel What You Feel This is big. It’s shocking. It’s heartbreaking. It’s okay to feel scared, angry, upset, or anxious. It’s normal. When something like this happens, it shakes the core of what we believe to be safe. And it can bring up so much — including old fears or experiences of our own. The goal here isn’t to push the feelings away, but to name them, acknowledge them, and allow them space. That’s actually a very important part of regulating our nervous systems. Acknowledging our feelings is actually the first step in helping our nervous system process what’s happening. The Australian Psychological Society has some helpful guidance here: 👉 https://psychology.org.au/for-the-public/psychology-topics/trauma 2. Our Kids Pick Up on Our Energy — And That’s Okay Even if we don’t say anything, our kids often sense when something’s “off.” They’re wired to be attuned to us. That doesn’t mean we have to be completely calm or cheerful all the time — it just means we can be real with them in a way that’s developmentally appropriate. For example, you might say: “I’m feeling a bit sad today, so I’m taking some deep breaths and doing things that help me feel better.” This is actually a beautiful opportunity to show them what self-regulation looks like. You’re modelling how to name emotions and support yourself through them — something that builds emotional awareness and resilience in them too. This idea of co-regulation (how your calm helps calm your child) is something Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson talk about in The Whole-Brain Child — and it’s backed by neuroscience. 3. Ask Yourself: What’s In My Control? One of the hardest parts about fear and anxiety is the sense of helplessness. That’s a very normal response — and in times like this, it's easy to feel like there’s nothing we can do. But I encourage you to reflect and ask yourself: “What is in my control right now?” Maybe you have some questions to ask your daycare/kinder to help relieve these anxieties. Some questions can help bring us back to what is in our hands: • Am I happy with how my child’s centre communicates with me? • Are there concerns I’ve had that I haven’t voiced? • Would it help me to book a meeting with the room leader or director? You have the right to ask questions, request a tour, clarify procedures, and share your concerns. You can make a call. You can ask questions, clarify procedures and share your concerns. These steps are not just about information — they’re about rebuilding a sense of safety and agency. Even small actions can help settle our nervous system. The Raising Children Network is great resource for what to expect and how to talk to your child’s early learning provider: "Trusting your instincts and following up on concerns with your child’s educators is an important part of being engaged in your child’s early learning experience." 👉 https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/work-child-care/centre-based-family-day-care/building-relationships-with-carers 4. Talk to your child about body safety in an age-appropriate way: One of the most powerful things you can do is help your child build an understanding of their own body and their right to safety. You don’t need to overwhelm them with scary information. We want body safety conversations to be gentle, consistent, and part of everyday life. • Teach the correct names for body parts, including private parts (penis, vulva). This reduces shame and builds confidence. • Make it clear that “your body belongs to you” — and it’s always okay to say “no” to unwanted touch, even from adults. • Explain that secrets should never be kept about touch or anything that makes them “icky” or uncomfortable. In our home we say “surprise” instead of secret. • Let them know that they can always come to you or another trusted adult no matter what happens or if anything feels wrong or confusing — and that they won’t get in trouble. We want our kids to know that their safety is so important to us. You can start these conversations when they are babies and continue as they grow. Having these conversations is about empowering them and building trust. Helpful expert tips and resources: Click the links Body Safety Australia Safe4Kids ChildSafe. Kristi McVee | Child Safety Expert & Educator ❤️ I think its also important to acknowledge the vast majority of early childhood educators are incredible, compassionate professionals. They work hard every day to support our children with care, patience, and skill. They guide their emotional development, cheer on their milestones, and offer a sense of security and connection when we’re not there. Many, like us, are devastated by this news — and continue to show up, doing their best for our kids every single day. 5. Support Yourself, So You Can Support Your Child When we’re stressed, our capacity is lower. We’re less patient. We might feel foggy, snappy, or flat. Our sleep and appetite might be off. That’s all very normal — but it also makes it harder to stay calm and connected with our kids. This doesn’t mean striving to be “perfect.” It just means gently checking in with yourself: “How am I doing right now?” “What do I need so I can show up as best I can?” Maybe it’s a quiet moment with a cuppa, a chat with a friend, a walk, switching off the news, or speaking to your gp or a mental health professional. Whatever helps you stay steady — even just a little bit — is worth making time for. If you’re finding it hard to navigate all the feelings that are coming up right now, please know I offer gentle, evidence-informed support and resources for parents — whether it’s helping you regulate your own nervous system, strengthen connection with your child, or explore tools that support emotional safety at home. I also recommend Emerging Minds — they have fantastic, free resources for supporting your own mental health and your child’s wellbeing during distressing times. You’re Not Alone I wish none of this had happened. I wish every child was guaranteed safety and gentleness every day. I wish none of us ever had to navigate this kind of fear or grief. But we do. And in these moments, when we take time to care for ourselves, to connect with others, to speak up, and to seek support when we need it — we protect not only our children, but ourselves. And we model for them what it means to be human, brave, and tender in a sometimes scary world. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or just want to talk through what’s coming up — please know I’m here. Through Reaching for Calm, I offer: Parent coaching (1:1 or small group) to support emotional safety, connection, and nervous system regulation at home Workshops and professional development for parents, educators and professionals, with a focus on wellbeing, emotional regulation, and trauma-informed approaches Tools and resources rooted in evidence-based frameworks including interpersonal neurobiology, polyvagal theory, and conscious parenting While my training is not specific to body safety education, my work is centred on emotional safety, self-awareness, and the wellbeing of both children and the adults who care for them. If you need support, guidance, or even just a place to feel seen — I’m here. Maria xx
